Bipolar and being a good mom

Being a good mom is hard enough, without having to deal with a mental illness to. I live with this reality everyday, an let me tell you it is a fine line to walk, from not letting your feelings get you when a child messes up, to knowing when to stop in an argument. When you have a mental illness sometimes these things are hard to do. That's why I am writing this, hopefully through what I learn as both a person with bipolar disorder, an a young mother will help someone eals in their daily struggles.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 13 years old. The illness runs in my family an the environment that I was in didn't help matters much. You see growing up for me was a lot harder than it was for some people,not to say that it was the worse either, but back then I didn't know the challenges that this illness would bring once out of the protection, of the state. As a foster child all my medications an doctor visit were covered, an my condition was monitored regularly. Once released at the age of 17 though all the help stopped.

I, of course, thought that I didn't need the meds an that I would do just fine on my own. That work just fine as long as I was on my own. I never really gave the issue much thought. Few years later an reality hits an hits with a vengeances.

The reality was I had fallen in love, gotten married, an to top it all off I was pregnant. I was beginning to act out, start fights, just really act stupid. I was depressed one minute an the next want to rip you head off. The best example of this was when I was about 6 months pregnant with our son, My husband and I were sitting around just laughing at something on tv, he made on remark an I lost it. Were not talking about just hormones, I wouldn't let it go. I just kept at it until he just left. When he finally did leave I destroyed the entire house just because I was mad. After that fight I lied in bed for 3 days crying. I didn't sleep, i didn't eat, I literally didn't move for 3 days.

That's when my husband had enough, at this point i have never mention my illness, an honestly I didn't think of it when I was acting so stupid either. He called my dad to get some advise on what to do with me. Lucky, my dad remembered the reports that they gave him from when I was evaluated. He told my husband to get me to a doctor immediately so I could get some help. That's just what he did, the next day I was in front of a doctor answering all these stupid question again. I'm a stubborn person, an I will tell you I was not happy by this decision at all. My thinking being, I had made it this long with out medication why should I have to take it now.

Thankfully my husband knew better than me. I started taking my meds an with in a few weeks, even I started to notice that I was feeling better. Better about myself, better about everything.

Today things are a lot different than they were  back then. It was only a short time a go really, but its amazing the impact kids have in your life. I still have my bad days an getting up some mornings is still hard.

I have learned to pay attention to my body though, I can tell when things are really fixing to get out of hand, thats when I just walk away. Even if it means setting a screaming baby down an walking away for a few mins. You can think that's wrong if you want, but in today's world there should be a lot more mother willing to just walk away for a min. i know what my limitations are, an I stay away from things that I have no control over. For me it hased to be a well controlled environment in order for me to keep completely cool. An yes unfortanetly that happens, you trade the ups an downs for an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Believe me this is totally fine as long as it is not controlling everything about your life. Mine is cleaning an sceduals. But there are some other great outlets to. The key is to find one that works for you.